Breaking Free From Self-Limiting Habits

'We need to think differently to shift our paradigms
to a new, deeper, "inside-out" level'; Stephen R. Covey

In the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen R. Covey describes habits as "consistent, often unconscious patterns which constantly, daily express our character and produce our effectiveness, or ineffectiveness".

Who we are and what we become is a direct result of our habits. It is in the realm of habits that our character is born, nurtured and outwardly expressed. What we see from the outside is a direct reflection of those deeply embedded habits that have gradually, steadily and consistently ingrained themselves into our psyche. Our behavior is therefore informed by these habits, which with time become so deeply ingrained into our minds that changing them is like attempting to break mountains with bare hands.

Breaking free from these deeply-embedded habits is a tall order, especially if they have been acquired over a long period of time. The longer it takes to acquire certain habits, the more difficult it is to break them. And this is not necessarily a bad thing; especially if the habits acquired are positive. Positive habits should be encouraged, even developed where they are lacking.

According Mike Bressica, success comes from behaviors, which start out as thoughts. To change your habits or behaviors, you will need to have different thoughts. What occupies your mind; your thoughts; propels you to behave in a certain way. If you don't like the results of your behavior, all you need to do is to change your thoughts. The Bible talks of renewing our mind as a way of transforming ourselves into good, acceptable and perfect people that always seek to do the will of God (Rom 12.2).

Renewing or shifting from our current thoughts to those that we desire brings about transformation or change in our lives. This is what is known as having a paradigm shift; adopting a new way of thinking, of doing things, of behavior.

The good thing about habits is that they are acquired over time through learning, nuances, brainwashing and experiences. Since they are acquired, they can be replaced by changing the thought patterns that fostered them in the first place.

To replace negative, self-limiting thought patterns, which Mike Bressica calls "mental patterns of failure", we must set as a first goal to reduce the impact of these patterns. And this cannot be done overnight. Just as it took time to acquire these mental patterns of failure, it will take time to release them and replace them with 'mental patterns of success'.

Paul talking to the Church in Rome expressed his frustration with his inability to rein in his patterns of failure. It appeared to him that he was fighting a losing battle with his mind as he found himself doing the very evil that he did not want to do; and not doing the good that he wanted to (Romans 7: 19).

Like so many of us, Paul was at a crossroad. On one side lay the old self-limiting patterns of failure; and on the other, his desire to release these negative patterns, which always led him to do evil, and replace them with those that would propel him into a transformed life of doing good.

Highly successful people are those who rid themselves of their patterns of failure by brushing off distractions. When you have no pattern of failure limiting your progress, you are able to overcome temporary setbacks at the thought level. Since the battle for success is won or lost at the thought level, your success or failure in this arena is what makes you successful or unsuccessful. Success comes naturally when you learn how to control your thought patterns. As Bressica says, if you muster the art of thought control, you will not be 'tempted to act opposite to what you know is best. You can keep fear at a minimum. Doubt is nowhere to be found.'

But how do you unlearn limiting thought patterns that you have picked up from childhood? How do you break down inscrutable blocks of negative habits that have been distilled and cemented into your psyche since childhood? To merely tell you to change your paradigm would be as vain as telling a hungry person to be filled without giving him food to eat. What we hear, see, experience or sense has a direct bearing on the formation of our habits; which are informed by thoughts, and which are then acted out in the form of behavior.

Thoughts are the foundation on which our habits are formed. These habits, depending on their nature, in turn inform our actions or behavior; and success or lack of it solely depends on the actions we take. To take that crucial first step in starting your own business, you must first of all unlearn the employee mentality and start seeing yourself as a successful entrepreneur.

But to achieve this paradigm shift is no mean fit. What with years of being told to study hard so that, when you grow up, you will get a good job? To break away from this mold of thinking and start seeing or thinking yourself as a successful business person requires much more than positive affirmations such as 'I can do it'. If 'I can do it' is out of tandem with your thought pattern, then, try as much as you will, you can’t do it.

Confident Public Speaking: Check This "Avoid At All Costs" List

In the pursuit of confident public speaking skills, it is important to accept that nervousness may never be completely eliminated in some public speakers. This is not necessarily bad. A certain amount of nervousness can be positively channeled to enhance performance.

Nevertheless, confident public speaking does involve learning not to betray one's nervousness through obvious body signals.

Familiarize yourself with the items in the list below and either check yourself through a video playback of your next presentation or have a close friend or colleague critique your presentation by looking out for these indicators that betray a lack of confidence in public speaking.

Mannerisms and Awkward Gestures

As well as destroying your professionalism, they can be very distracting for an audience. Get a friend or partner to alert you if you begin doing any of the following:

stand with one leg wrapped around the other
stand on the sides of one's shoes
keep touching the nose, mouth, ears, or any part of the face
lean on the speaker's stand using it as a prop
keep putting hands in and out of pockets
fiddling with one's wrist watch
repeatedly swallowing
buttoning and unbuttoning the jacket
standing with hands clasped behind the back

Visual Aid Dangers

If you use a flip chart, whiteboard, or projection screen, avoid constantly fiddling with the marker pen, mouse, or projector control as if they were worry beads. This can be distracting and betray a certain nervousness.

Far better to have your hands free, only picking up the marker or control when you intend to use it and then put it back again on the table or speaker's stand.

Using your hands deliberately for descriptive or emphatic gestures will be far more effective than haphazardly waving a marker pen or projector control in the air.

What Do You Do With Your Hands?

Confident public speaking means you know what to do you with your hands.

When you are not using them to gesture, let them hang by your side loosely and naturally. They won't remain there for long if you are giving an animated presentation.

Your hands and arms will frequently be moving, gesturing, but in between times, just let them hang loose, ready and waiting.

Concentrate On Ideas

Confident public speaking involves the ability to concentrate on expressing your IDEAS rather than exact words. Doing this will go a long way in helping you avoid the mannerisms noted above.

This will allow your delivery to flow which makes it easy on the ears and listenable as opposed to a stop/start style of delivery.

Apart from your introduction and conclusion which require more attention to exact wording, thorough preparation and total immersion in your subject will allow you to speak extemporaneously without worrying overly about exact word choice.

The latter can result in a speaker gazing into the air fumbling for the right word which in time will destroy the concentration of the audience.

Even if you don't feel you are confident in public speaking, you don't have to advertise the fact. Use the checklist above to spot and avoid obvious signs of nervousness and you will at least leave the audience relaxed and engrossed rather than distracted.

Drawing What You Need Towards You

I walked away with my tail between my legs. Sure, the error was all mine. I had a list of people I'd spoken to and one name was really obscure and neither Jo nor I knew who they were.

I sat down and thought about it. 'Who are you?' I asked. 'Make yourself known to me again?'

With that I turned my attention to other matters. That's when the phone rang and the person on the list revealed themselves to me.

Now if we want to be cynical we could say that the materialisation of that phone call was just coincidence - that this person just happened to call and remind me who they were. But what are the chances?

First, I just happened to have written the name badly on the list. Second, Jo just happened to spot my error. Third, we just happened to be discussing the person. Fourth, I just happened to ask for that person to make themselves known to me again. And it all just happened to happen, in the space of an hour.

What odds would you give on that happening?

This kind of thing happens to me too often for me to doubt that there is some greater connection going on between all our minds - a higher awareness.

How does it work?

First we ask for things. Second we have to be consciously aware of what's happening to us. It's important that we follow events as they unfold rather than letting our mind get in the way. It's also important to do it with a sense of humour and to celebrate in some way when the universe provides.

As soon as our mind gets in the way we break the chain of events and distort what the universe is creating - often ending up with something we didn't want.

When we put our attention on finding a solution or a person we are brought into connection with minds - sometimes people we know, sometimes people we didn't know - who are prepared to answer our call for help.

These people have the will to help, if you have the will to let them in. What often occurs when our call is answered is a discussion to see if help is possible. Oddly, as a quirk of human nature, we sometimes repel people who come to help and either we reject them or they decide they just cannot help us.

While I know synchronicity happens, I'm in no way attached to it happening. I put out a call for things and get on with life. There is no hankering. I ask, then I read, jog, make phone calls or do whatever I have to do while staying open to what happens.

I think it's fair to say that attachment to an outcome is the biggest block that can get in the way. The times in my life when I've had no money are the hardest times to create money. When I've been in pain, it's hard to imagine no pain.

But each time I've asked for a person to show up who can guide me (that's guide me - not do for me), they've shown up and helped me. From their life got better.

You'll find some very simple tips below. Please take note, this is a very simple version I'm giving you because all our situations differ. This basic outline is however workable for us all.

1. Think of one think that you feel you life needs right now.

2. Be clear on what you want.

3. Write it down

4. See it happening in the mind.

5. Now go about your daily life, aware that answers will come to direct you.

6. Keep doubt out. Stay positive.

Love and good wishes
Neil

CommunitySoul - Neil Fellowes