Goal Setting 101

We all have goals. Some goals are long-term and some are short-term. Some are goals we have shelved for so long they are dusty and covered with cobwebs. Some are freshly minted. However for those of us who are not as successful in life as we would wish we often despair of achieving our goals. Some goals seem out-of-reach and unattainable. This does not have to be what actually happens. We have the power within ourselves to change our lives and the place to begin is when we are setting our goals.

There are simple rules that make it more likely for us to achieve our goals and the first is to follow the K.I.S.S. principle. In other words, keep it simple stupid. The more elaborate and complicated we make our goals then the less likely we will be to follow through with them.

The best way to simplify your goal setting is to only set one goal -- the ultimate goal. After that then everything else is just details. What is the ultimate goal? What is your final destination? When you are on your deathbed and you cast a look back over your life then what do you want to see accomplished there? When you look around you what do you want to see? That vision is your ultimate goal.

We all know that having a destination in mind makes traveling easier. Knowledge of that destination helps us plan what to pack and controls our transportation decisions. The same is true when it comes to setting goals and achieving those goals. If we know our destination then we know what to pack (and what to leave behind) and we can make better decisions about how to reach that destination. Simplifying our goals to that one ultimate goal also helps us focus on that one destination rather than constantly detouring and losing our way. It also makes it easier to measure the importance and relevance of so many other decisions that impact our daily life when we have the measuring stick. If we take Path A or Path B which will be more effective in reaching that ultimate destination?

Naming that ultimate goal for ourselves is a tremendously powerful tool for our own success because so often we spend our time and energy focusing on managing the details of our lives. We are simply reacting to whatever is thrown at us by others or simply by daily life. However in order to truly achieve success and achieve our goals then we must take the lead and that means acting. Simply by setting our ultimate goal and focusing our energy and time on that goal means that instead of reacting we are now taking action. That action means we have taken a leadership role in our own success. Simply by taking that action we are taking control of our own life and that is a very powerful step toward success.

If you want to achieve more success in your life then you must set one simple goal -- the ultimate goal for your life -- and you must get out in front of the goal to take action with your life instead of reacting all your life.

Deanna Mascle shares more motivational and inspirational messages through her Advice Column blog at http://justfolks.net.

Navigate Through Life With Goals

Why are setting goals important? Everything activity we undertake has a goal. For example:

1. Playing golf has a goal.
2. Watching TV has a goal. Its goal is for entertainment, or (as some of us would believe) for relaxation.
3. Reading a book has a goal. Its goal is for knowledge, relaxation, increasing vocabulary.
4. Going to work has a goal. It has a personal goal, a career/professional goal.
5. Spending time with family has a goal.
6. Choosing to do nothing has a goal. Its goal may be to seriously do nothing after a hectic day.
7. Exercising has a goal. Its goal is to keep fit, look good, feel good.

The list goes on. Every activity we undertake has a goal. It is whether we are conscious of it or not. It also becomes overwhelming when you realise there are so many goals.

As written in my previous post, take goal setting and execution a step at a time. If you have never done goal setting and execution before, focus on one or two categories for a start. Take action on each of these on a daily basis. Let me repeat that, take action on a daily basis. In this way, you will begin to achieve your goal and gain confidence to set new and loftier goals!

Why are goals important? Many will say that it provides direction in life. It provides us with clarity to what we want and where we are headed. There is another important aspect of goals.

Our goals help provide us with a balanced life. Most of us will work very hard at our careers, and maybe spend little time on family, health, wealth, hoping that our careers will take care of all our others worries. 'Hope' is not a strategy. You have to take control of your own life and destiny.

By setting our goals, we own part of our destiny. By taking action towards our goal, we are creating our destiny. Goals provide us with a more balanced view of our lives. Review your goals daily. When you see that you are actively taking small steps towards your goal, you will feel a sense of great satisfaction with yourself. Review of your goals help you to take stock of where you are in life. With every small active step taken towards your goal achievement, it inspires you to push on to achieve your dreams, no matter the size of your dream.

Importance and size of your goal is of no concern. To each his own. Its what's important to you that counts, not what others say.

If you are a parent, share your goals and dreams with your children and family. Tell them the small steps you have taken towards your goal. It shows them that goals with no execution remains only a dream. Let them share their dreams with you frequently and help them to take positive action. Reviewing daily helps them become the dream. They will live the dream and the dream goal becomes real. It inspires them to take more action and in time, achieve their goals.

Use this technique of sharing and reviewing goals with your friends, or staff at work and you will be amazed at the difference it makes when an organization knows its goals and sees progress being made daily.

There is so much merit in setting goals. The sad part is that many set it once and re-set it again one year later. Many begin executing the actions only to have their efforts fizzle out.

If you simply review your goals without reviewing the actions taken to get closer to achieving your goals, its not much use. You will not be inspired. Review your goals and actions daily. Change course if you need to. Its your life and your goals after all. Reviewing your actions daily will give you the inspiration to take more action.

Actions speak louder than words. Setting goals without taking action is as good as writing in water (which leaves no trace of what you wrote). Go ahead. Take action today. Take action now. Do not wait. Take action, no matter how small the action it. Take action now and you will feel the momentum created, pushing you to take more action until you achieve your goals.

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Copyright © Bernard Ong, 2006.
All Rights Reserved

Bernard Ong is an IT professional interested in helping others by sharing his experience on time management and effectiveness topics. Bernard writes about his interest at http://www.bernard-ong.com. Copyright Bernard Ong, 2006. All rights reserved.

Stop Putting Up With Stuff

Someone interrupts you while you are speaking. Your child raises his voice at you. A person speaks to you in a way you find offensive. Other people take credit for your ideas. You keep working longer and longer hours at work. Your family is constantly late coming to the dinner table. If you've experienced any of these scenarios, then it is time to stop putting up with stuff. It's time to strengthen your boundaries.

Boundaries are imaginary lines that surround and protect you and your goals from others. Anything that annoys you or makes you upset is often a crossed boundary. When your boundaries are weak, it may feel as if people are taking advantage of you or not respecting you. These feelings can often be damaging to one's self-esteem. They can also cause unneeded anxiety, stress and resentment. When you take the time to define and strengthen your boundaries, at home and at work, you will find yourself in a generally happier and calmer state.

Determining how others may interact with you, sticking to clear work hours and deciding your limits are all boundaries that will keep negative influences out of your way. Keep in mind boundaries are invisible. To effectively enforce your boundaries they must be communicated to those around you

Communicate Boundaries Gracefully

This seven-step process, keyed to the acronym RESPECT works every time. When you are communicating yoru boundaries, ensure you start the conversation with your voice devoid of any emotion. The tone of voice you use should be similar to how you sound when making a comment on the weather -- calm and confident.

R – Recognize your boundaries are being crossed. Stop others as they start to cross the line. "Excuse me."

E – Educate others that they are violating your boundary. "Do you realize you are yelling at me."

S – Stop. Request that others stop. "I’d like you to stop yelling at me."

P – Promote. Tell others how your limits can be respected. "Please speak to me calmly.”

E - Embrace others for cooperating. "Thank you for respecting my wishes."

If they are not cooperative, add these last steps. This very rarely happens. In most cases, people change their behavior after step two.

C – Command that they stop “I insist that you stop raiding yoru voice to me.” If nothing changes, then call it quits.

T – Take off. Leave the situation. “I can’t have this conversation while you are yelling at me. I am going to leave the room. Let’s talk about this when we are not as upset.”

In some cases, people won't respect your boundaries even after you ask them to. But remember you are no longer putting up with anything from anyone so you might have to walk away from some individuals and situations. The only way to truly start taking better care of yourself is to let go of things that don't work for you.

© Copyright 2006. Lisa Martin. All rights reserved.

Breaking Free From Self-Limiting Habits

'We need to think differently to shift our paradigms
to a new, deeper, "inside-out" level'; Stephen R. Covey

In the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen R. Covey describes habits as "consistent, often unconscious patterns which constantly, daily express our character and produce our effectiveness, or ineffectiveness".

Who we are and what we become is a direct result of our habits. It is in the realm of habits that our character is born, nurtured and outwardly expressed. What we see from the outside is a direct reflection of those deeply embedded habits that have gradually, steadily and consistently ingrained themselves into our psyche. Our behavior is therefore informed by these habits, which with time become so deeply ingrained into our minds that changing them is like attempting to break mountains with bare hands.

Breaking free from these deeply-embedded habits is a tall order, especially if they have been acquired over a long period of time. The longer it takes to acquire certain habits, the more difficult it is to break them. And this is not necessarily a bad thing; especially if the habits acquired are positive. Positive habits should be encouraged, even developed where they are lacking.

According Mike Bressica, success comes from behaviors, which start out as thoughts. To change your habits or behaviors, you will need to have different thoughts. What occupies your mind; your thoughts; propels you to behave in a certain way. If you don't like the results of your behavior, all you need to do is to change your thoughts. The Bible talks of renewing our mind as a way of transforming ourselves into good, acceptable and perfect people that always seek to do the will of God (Rom 12.2).

Renewing or shifting from our current thoughts to those that we desire brings about transformation or change in our lives. This is what is known as having a paradigm shift; adopting a new way of thinking, of doing things, of behavior.

The good thing about habits is that they are acquired over time through learning, nuances, brainwashing and experiences. Since they are acquired, they can be replaced by changing the thought patterns that fostered them in the first place.

To replace negative, self-limiting thought patterns, which Mike Bressica calls "mental patterns of failure", we must set as a first goal to reduce the impact of these patterns. And this cannot be done overnight. Just as it took time to acquire these mental patterns of failure, it will take time to release them and replace them with 'mental patterns of success'.

Paul talking to the Church in Rome expressed his frustration with his inability to rein in his patterns of failure. It appeared to him that he was fighting a losing battle with his mind as he found himself doing the very evil that he did not want to do; and not doing the good that he wanted to (Romans 7: 19).

Like so many of us, Paul was at a crossroad. On one side lay the old self-limiting patterns of failure; and on the other, his desire to release these negative patterns, which always led him to do evil, and replace them with those that would propel him into a transformed life of doing good.

Highly successful people are those who rid themselves of their patterns of failure by brushing off distractions. When you have no pattern of failure limiting your progress, you are able to overcome temporary setbacks at the thought level. Since the battle for success is won or lost at the thought level, your success or failure in this arena is what makes you successful or unsuccessful. Success comes naturally when you learn how to control your thought patterns. As Bressica says, if you muster the art of thought control, you will not be 'tempted to act opposite to what you know is best. You can keep fear at a minimum. Doubt is nowhere to be found.'

But how do you unlearn limiting thought patterns that you have picked up from childhood? How do you break down inscrutable blocks of negative habits that have been distilled and cemented into your psyche since childhood? To merely tell you to change your paradigm would be as vain as telling a hungry person to be filled without giving him food to eat. What we hear, see, experience or sense has a direct bearing on the formation of our habits; which are informed by thoughts, and which are then acted out in the form of behavior.

Thoughts are the foundation on which our habits are formed. These habits, depending on their nature, in turn inform our actions or behavior; and success or lack of it solely depends on the actions we take. To take that crucial first step in starting your own business, you must first of all unlearn the employee mentality and start seeing yourself as a successful entrepreneur.

But to achieve this paradigm shift is no mean fit. What with years of being told to study hard so that, when you grow up, you will get a good job? To break away from this mold of thinking and start seeing or thinking yourself as a successful business person requires much more than positive affirmations such as 'I can do it'. If 'I can do it' is out of tandem with your thought pattern, then, try as much as you will, you can’t do it.

I believe with all my heart that if you can think it, you can do it. The writer of the Book of Proverbs (23:7) knew this all too well when he said that 'as one thinks in his heart, so is he'. Your thoughts define the kind of person you become. Countless times we blame external circumstances while in reality the core cause of our failure can be found in our thought patterns.

Innocent Mwangi is a motivational writer and speaker. He specializes in helping people attain their highest potential. Visit his websites at http://www.realopportunity.org; http://www.ssmk.net; http://www.work-at-home-opportunity.net; http://www.globalalert.org.

Overcoming Performance Anxiety

Everybody suffers from anxiety at some point or anther. Anxiety is just a normal part of everyday life. It can actually be a useful emotion in helping us to cope with stressful situations. Other times, anxiety can be out of control and interfere with our ability to function normally in stressful situations even if the stress is just manufactured in our minds.

There will always be reasons to feel anxious. All ages experience anxiety. Children feel it in school before a test; even young babies feel it when separated from their mothers. Adults have plenty of opportunities to feel anxious whether it is from a job, finances, romance, or due to being self conscious.

Sometimes anxiety comes about because people have to do something they fear doing. One of the most common anxiety producing experiences is when it comes to public speaking. Many people fear being in front of the public, either as a speaker or just as someone being singled out or noticed in a crowd.

Do you have a fear of speaking in public or performing on a stage? If so, you could be suffering from a type of performance anxiety. Do you have any of the following apply to you? If so, you may have performance anxiety.

-Worry about looking foolish in front of other people and being laughed at?

-Worry that people can see how nervous you are?

-Suffer from stage fright if you have to speak in front of others or perform onstage.

-Experience anxiety in advance of the event simply from anticipating your fears.

-Feel immediate and intense fear upon learning you need to perform in public.

-Attempt to get out of public performances or not show up if you can’t get out of it.

-Missed out on opportunities because of your fear of being in the public spotlight.

Performance anxiety is actually all in the mind of the sufferer. After all, not everyone fears going on stage, there is no danger in doing so. The fear comes from imagined dangers such as feeling like you are not smart enough or good enough to avoid ridicule. So the way to overcome your performance anxiety is to change your way of thinking.

There are four steps involved in overcoming performance anxiety. Let’s take a look at them below.

Step one: Self Assessment

-Get to know yourself, both as a person and as a performer.

-Identify the problem thoughts that are holding you back and creating anxiety.

Step two: Exposure and Preparation

-Find opportunities for limited performance exposure but not to the point your anxiety kicks in.

-Practice your speech or performance. Tape it and watch yourself. Practice until you have it down pat. Always be totally prepared before giving your performance so you feel confident.

-Learn relaxation techniques and practice them right before your performance.

Step three: The Performance

-Visualize the audience as friends and family that wish you well.

-Don’t think of yourself. Think of the audience.

-Stay calm and enjoy yourself.

Step four: After the Performance

-Don’t criticize yourself no matter what happens.

-Congratulate yourself for doing your best.

-Reward yourself for making progress

Train yourself to change your thoughts and instead of worrying about what people will think, just go ahead and imagine they are thinking good things about you. Imagine yourself as self confident and thoroughly capable of completing the performance. As you change your thinking, you will see your performance anxiety start to slip away.